[Woodworkers] Last minute Christmas gift idea

Thu Jan 5 09:44:07 PST 2017

So it's December 20th around 1800 hrs and I'm sitting at home enjoying the
few short days before Christmas eve.

The phone rings and in typical fashion I'm scurrying around the house
trying to find the damn talk into and listen outta thingy.

"Good evening."

"Hey Joey, it's Jacques.  Say, I got to thinking this morning about our boy
and the state of his room and how much he could use a toy box and I..."  I
interrupted him.

"Wait, I see where this is going so lemme guess, you want this before
Christmas, right?"  We've been friends ever since I moved here to the
Mission Valley.

"Yeah, it doesn't have to be anything fancy, just nail some plywood
together and throw some finish on it and..."  I interrupted him again.

"How 'bout I give you a cardboard box instead, I got a couple big ones here
and..."  He interrupted me.

"He's been using a cardboard box and it ain't working b'cuz he likes to sit
on it and he has..."  I interrupted him.

"How 'bout I do it this way, Jacques, let me wing it?"

Well, his wife, Jenny, musta been within earshot of the conversation and I
can almost see what happened immediately after he hung up with me.  She
sneaked off to the back porch and called.

This time I knew where the talk into and listen outta thingy was b'cuz it
was still in my hand.  "Good evening."

"Joey, ummm..."  Her voice is very alluring...much like Lauren Bacall's and
I've known her since forever, too.  "Hey Jenny, this is a coinkydink I just
got off the phone with Jacques and..."  She interrupted me.

"I know, I heard.  Listen, can you make it bigger than the standard size
toy box?"

"Why, certainly.  Do you have any other particular requirements?"

"Yeah, make it so the lid doesn't slam down and crush his fingers and..."
 I interrupted her.

"I'm on it.  Nothing fancy, no grueling efforts associated with climbing
out of a cardboard box and no chance of phalanges being dismembered."

Now, y'all know I'm not one to do things where it 'doesn't have to be
anything fancy'.  At the same time, I'm not one to simply cobble something
together without a bit of thought.  True, this project wasn't "fine
woodworking" but I tried to keep it within constraints I was given.

After the basic box was assembled I put my thinking cap on and said out
loud to no one in particular (mainly due to the fact no one else was in the
shop), "This thing needs more stuff.  But what kinda stuff?"

While I was pondering on that I walked to the wood stove to throw in a
couple chunks 'o wood and glanced at my pirate hanging on the wall and at
that precise moment was when my 'what kinda stuff can I add to it' question
was answered.

I ripped home, did a Google search for pirate art, found the perfect
picture, printed it then moseyed my way back and this was when Jeff became
involved with the project.

Jeff walked into the shop to see what I was up to.  "What the hell are you
working on now?"

"Hey Jeff...ummm, I got this...well...it's a toy box and I'm having some
birthing pains.  I was given free "wing it" status so now I'm trying to
figure out how to plus it and showed him the pirate picture.

"Well, hell, Joe,"  He said with delight, "I think that is a perfect
idea...how 'bout we burn the edges of it to make it look old?"  We did
that, glued it on the front and next thing I know he's out the door headed
for town.

Now, I'm back into thinking mode.

I says to myself, "Self, this is a pretty big toy box and you know every
boy has some smaller, more precious things that absolutely must be kept
separate, right?"

It's pretty scary when you answer yourself.  "Yeah, so what about it?"  I
said.

"Well, what if you was to put in a sliding tray for all them separate
precious things?"

I had some honest to goodness gold doubloons left over from another project
I got from the Dollar Store a couple years ago and I glued them authentic
plastic doubloons all willy-nilly like.  And then came time to decide on
the handles.

I thought, "Pirate...honest to goodness fake plastic gold doubloons...so
what kinda handle goes on a treasure chest?"  Then it hit me, "I know!
Rope handles!"  So I called Jeff because I knew he was going to the
hardware store - turns out no one in the entire world has sisal or hemp
rope anymore.  So I milled them from pallet wood, spray painted black then
lightly sanded to make them look worn.

In the pictures only the stain has been applied.  Jeff had the idea to take
the hinges and grind notches in the edges to make them look forged.

The day after Christmas the phone rang and once again I'm running around
trying to find the damn talk into and listen outta thingy.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Hey Joey, it's Jacques..."  I interrupted him.

"Hey Jacques, does the boy still have all his fingers?"

"Ahhhh, yeah, he does, but that ain't why I'm callin' - I should'a had you
make two of these."

-- 
Joe,
The Twisted Knot Woodshop, "There's never been a classier joint"
Visit the Twisted Knot Woodshop - http://www.twistedknotwoodshop.com
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